Feast of Holy Family - Homily 5

 Homily 5 -- 2018

We can all imagine as much as we like what life was like in the Holy Family, but we have little hard evidence beyond an ambiguous instance in Jesus’ public life when his mother and his brothers showed up once at Capharnaum with the intention of restraining him, saying he was out of his mind. Certainly, as far as adult believers were concerned, Jesus clearly claimed that the demands of the Kingdom outweighed all natural family ties. Then we have a number of instances in the later epistles [as we heard in this evening’s Second Reading], extolling the virtues of decidedly patriarchal family relationships. Societies evolve, and customs change.

It can be dangerous to idealise family life too much. It can lead some people to regard themselves as failures. What family is perfect? And yet families are important – very important; and precisely perhaps because they are not perfect. What families do provide instead is an excellent practical school for rounded human growth across life.

It is wonderful to see the idealism of so many young couples when they come to get married. And yet, in many ways, what they idealise is a dream. Almost inevitably, they are in love with being in love. Only as time goes on do they confront reality – the reality of the imperfection of their partner and, what can be more humiliating, the reality of their own imperfection. And that can be a tough time. Sadly, there are many couples who do not negotiate the difficulties successfully, and break up, usually breaking hearts in the process.

But a time of struggle and shattered dreams is a necessary time, because it is through dealing with imperfection and disappointment that love is stretched and can grow, opening up the possibility to live life more maturely, more fully, and increasingly grounded. The arrival of children, who by definition are immature and instinctively selfish, means another twenty years of stretching. Through persevering, people come to realise that real love is unconditional love, and that becomes their pursuit. No one needs to be perfect in order to love; and no one needs to be perfect to be loved.

Fortunately, love has a creative power of its own. It sets the other free; it helps them come more alive; it fosters their capacity for joy. And when it is two-way, the potential is exponential and the outcomes can be wonderful.

And then there is the erotic side of love that can be excitingly pleasurable. So-called platonic love can be redefined, becoming play for one and tonic for the other! A bit like a wild horse, it needs to be broken in and brought under control – but once it is, it becomes a tower of strength.

Today, families come in many shapes and sizes. Where is God in all this? It is God who makes it all possible. God is love, and we are made in the image and likeness of God. Where we see love, we see the trace of God. God is obviously at home in the company of imperfection. But is there a limit? I think as Catholics we struggle with this. We can get by with a modicum of imperfection but we often tend to draw the line with what is obviously mess, particularly other people’s mess.

Yet mess does not faze God. God so loved this mess of a world that he sent his Son to show us the way to life and to save it. When you consider it, could you think of a messier set of circumstances to be born in than what Luke and Matthew conjured up for Jesus? And then, thirty or so years later, could it have turned out worse than it did – with the redeemer hanging tortured and dehumanized on a cross? Yet God was not there reluctantly. God was present in the world he was redeeming – because in the mess was love. There lie the message, and the mystery, of Christmas.